i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
