Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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