After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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