I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
May the power of my ass compel you!!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
