I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
