Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
