Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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