NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
