his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
