Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
