The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
