trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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