Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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