oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
