Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
