im drinking this country out of the recession.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
