just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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