can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
another moral hangover. fuck.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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