you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
