Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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