the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
