i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
