it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
