just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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