Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
then he tried to convert me to islam
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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