Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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