even my farts smell like vagina
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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