Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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