I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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