...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
