Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
