i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
