Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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