Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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