No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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