I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
