So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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