It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
