I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
