there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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