why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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