The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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