Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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