I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
