do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Damn victory sex feels great
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
