You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Nicole vs. Life
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
should my penis look like a turkey
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
