guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
