Little spoons don't ask big questions
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
