break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
