Screwed.edu
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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