Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
