Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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